First I was afraid,
I was petrified.
Kept forgetting I had
To drive on the right hand side.
But I missed so many cars
On my way to Milan
I�m in a Sedan.
I�m in a Sedan.
Go on now go,
Pedal to the floor.
Got to get around to finding
What it is I�m looking for.
I aint got no cruise control
And in France there�s traffic tolls
That�s just plain wrong
But at least I�ve got my bong.
And now I see
I see the sea.
I�ve been driving for a day
And now I�m in St Tropez
If I only had a map
If my phone could handle wap
And I could see
Then I could get to Italy.
But now I�m lost
I�m on the coast
All I want now is a proper
Chicken roast.
But I see no sausage meat
And my taters are in the street
And my oven pan
Has been stolen my some man
So I turn left,
And up the hill.
I thought income tax was steep but
This is overkill.
I�ve got my gears put into first
And my radiator burst
I�ve got a leak.
And I�m starting to really freak.
I�ve reached the peak.
It took a week.
There�s far too much snow
For me to be able to actually go.
But I�ve spent so many nights
In a tent, catching insects in my tights
They�re pretty strong.
And I�ve still got my bong.
And down I go.
Screw the snow.
I don�t care I got no grip
On my tyres I want to go.
But now I�m skidding everywhere
And I think I killed a sheep.
This is steep.
Oh look it�s Meryl Streep!
Oh Bollocks! Fuck!
Where�s the fucking road?
Why is the fucking gearbox flying by my ear while the
Fucking engine fucking explodes?
I think I�m really fucked
Cos I�m flying through the fucking air
Which is cold, but I�m getting fucking burnt
To death in mid air. Oh Fuck!
And why?
Did it come to this?
Was I meant to end up
Looking like a human crisp?
I had a lisp.
But now it�s gone.
I aint got no speech impediment
And I haven�t got my bong.
I haven�t got my arms
And I haven�t got my legs
And I haven�t got my anything
Cos I�m just a pile of smeg.
I�m fucking dead.
It�s a pile of crap.
I can�t actually do anything
So this song should really wrap.
Cos I�m the real Stevi
Yes I�m the real Stevi
Aint no other real Stevi
Cos I�m the real Stevi.
Won�t the real Stevi please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?