The Two Irons.
Shello Baggins of the Shire and her trusty Hobbit matey Stevi-Wise Gamgee climbed down the face of a steep cliff on the way to Mordor, using the Elvish rope Galadriel had gifted to Stevi.
"Shift yer arse!" Cried Shello, which was Hobbit for "Oh for Fuck sake, fucking get on with it you fucking tosser", and Stevi looked down through the mist, worriedly searching for any sign of the bottom of the cliff.
At the bottom of the cliff, after discussing something to do with roast chicken, Shello looked Stevi deep in the eyes and said to him something very very profound. "Stevi, I am experiencing powerful feelings in my ring."
Stevi knew what this meant, and he understood the attraction of the ring, and grew disturbed by Shello's increasingly manic obsession with her ring, and she would finger it constantly.
Stevi also knew the great burden the ring put on Shello. Her ring contained an almighty and unstoppable spirit, which was taking over her thoughts and bending her will. Stevi had witnessed the spectacular forces of Shello's ring at work and knew that it's power could eventually drive her mad, just as Gollum had.
Gollum had spent 500 years playing with his ring and had turned himself into a toad-like creature.
Stevi said to Shello "We must destroy your ring."
For several months, Stevi and Shello had been frantically trying to destroy Shello's ring, and it had taken them on a journey from Hobbiton in the Shire, to Bree, Weathertop, Venice, Rivendell, Bradford, Moria, Fangorn Forest and St Albans. They were on their way to Mordor, where they would finally destroy Shello's ring.
Phil the White, was a wizard, and ruler of the ten thousand Orc and Uruk-hai army, and he was bent on preventing any harm coming to Shello's ring. He also worked for one of the world's leading telecommunications companies.
Merry and Pippin were in the forest together getting stoned, and they were talking at length with some tree they picked up called Treebeard.
Strider, Legolas and Fat Bastard from Austin Powers were all running across fields and hills, and they kept doing this for most of the three-hour movie, except for the bit where they went to war.
Stevi and Shello carried on walking until they could walk no longer. Shello rested, feeling exhausted by the power of the ring. Stevi decided to kill some time by doing his ironing, and stood there in the Dead Marshes, creasing his clothes using an anchient elvish kenwood iron.
There was a horrific flash or pure light and energy, whch Stevi thought it surely must be a dark magic and expected Phil the White to appear and to fend him off. But Phil did not appear.
Shello woke from the crack of sound that accompanied the flash and sat up to see Stevi crying and caressing the iron close his cheek.
"What's wrong?" asked Shello.
"My iron died," said Stevi.
"Why are you crying?" Shello said, worried.
"Because I'm burning my face off," explained Stevi. And Shello sighed and shook her head. "Silly Stevi," she said. "It's still hot isn't it?"
Stevi said nothing, but a single tear fell from his chin. Then his chin fell off.
Then came an unexpected and tortured voice from nearby.
"It came to me. My own. My love. My own."
And Shello and Stevi walked over to the sound and saw Gollum stroking his iron. "My precious."
Stevi ran at Gollum, and seized the iron from the creature Gollum, who protested violently.
Shello stared at Stevi, blankly, and Stevi looked back at her, questioningly. "Why don't you just borrow mine for a while?" Said Shello, handing her iron to Stevi.
Stevi accepted the iron, thankfully, and tied the Elvish rope around Gollums neck.
And this is how it came to pass that Stevi ended up with two irons after blowing up his own one.
"Tricksy little hobbitses," cried Gollum, who then led them to Mordor.